https://slama.dev/comeback/
Try them on one more time and you'll see I'm right.
I could try them on a thousand times and every time I'd find they're hideous.
They're not hideous, they're appropriate.
Appropriate.
Iva, you look so nice today, you look so, you know, appropriate.
A dress should cover you up.
But when I went to dance class, me and my partner had a great dress.
I only found out she had a hump at the wine reception.
In this dress nobody will notice me.
Well then they'll assign you someone.
Look, they assigned me Magdička too and our waltz was written about in the paper.
In the crime section?
No, in the tabloids.
And is that why Strýra Harapes calls you zero?
No, that's unrelated.
The saleswoman said she bought the same ones for her daughter.
Dance class isn't some fashion show.
Oh boy, now those are some dress.
Iva, Saša is here and she has a dress.
I'm gonna kill myself.
I'll stay alive after all.
Sorry, Saša.
Did you see the dress Kropáčková has?
The way she was showing off in it in front of the gym.
I couldn't get to her through the crowd of boys.
If Tokarská hadn't barged in and given her a note for parading around school in a slip, Beneš's eyes would have popped out.
But if I had those other dress, I would've trumped her.
They're at least hidden away for a special occasion.
What other dress?
They're called exactly what you need to impress boys.
Iva, tennis?
First instinct.
In those, boys would be lining up for me.
I'd be happy if at least Voráček came for me.
That could work.
After a few shots, he'll crawl up a street lamp.
Sorry, Saša.
Hi.
Like someone died.
Drop dead, Lexa.
Dance class was the bane of my existence.
Yeah, dance class is evil.
It takes away a person's natural ways.
You ran away from it, so luckily you kept your natural ways.
At least I didn't have to dance with a camel.
Hey, don't talk about Magdička like that.
That famous hunchback dancer?
I read about her once in the tabloids.
See?
Apparently she had a hopeless dancer.
Well that wasn't me.
Yes it was.
That's why Harapes calls him zero.
But that was for something else.
Hey bro, don't you wanna go grab a beer?
Nah, I find this interesting.
Tomáš, what kind of dress will Ivuška have?
Oh don't you start with that too.
If he didn't go with her, she'd show up broke and practically naked.
I hope you didn't discuss the choice of dress with her.
I didn't.
You're a wise man.
My father tried to ban my dress, but he didn't succeed.
I smuggled it in from East Germany.
In a toothpaste tube.
At dance class you're supposed to learn to dance, not show off.
The most important dance in the world is pogo anyway.
And only master booze can teach you that.
She's still a child, come on.
Wait until you walk her through the hall at the extended evening.
You'll see she's already a woman.
If she wore the dress I banned, everyone in the hall would see that too.
Wait, what do you mean banned?
Wait, what do you mean walk through the hall?
Wait, what do you mean in a toothpaste tube?
At the parents-with-kids dance, even my father understood.
I escaped from him and from the tenth lesson danced the Letkiss at the Alhambra.
Until the secret police confiscated our shoes.
Wait, mambo, so you used to be a normal person?
Listen to your brother and go get a beer.
What is it with all of you and beer?
Do I look like someone who's thirsty?
I am, but I can control it.
Tomáš, didn't you dance with your mother at the extended evening?
Well yeah, but I thought she was happy about it.
Like, when she was wasted.
That took a while.
It had to be done.
Otherwise we wouldn't have gotten him out of here.
No, I mean the dancing.
Tomáš.
Now it's going to be lovely.
Lovely?
Maybe I should tell you why Harapes calls me zero.
They straight up threw me out of the store.
I'd love to know what those two are cooking up in there.
Here's your lunch.
Saša's not coming?
She's been throwing up since morning because of the dance class.
Fine, so that would've been wasted money anyway.
That dance class, good thing I don't have to go.
I put my foot down too.
I don't have a suit, so no big deal.
Cool dude.
They couldn't force me either.
I ran away from home for three months and hid at the junkyard.
Hardcore.
So I'm basically like you guys?
Lexa, a dude's gotta know how to stand up to the system.
Lexa, go get changed.
But mom, you said it's enough that Saša goes and then she'll teach me everything.
Yeah, but that was before I found out there's a girl there who likes you.
Really?
Who?
Young Krutová.
Titanic?
She weighs 130 kilos now?
Her mom is paying me fifty for every dance, so make sure she doesn't sit down for a single moment, got it?
Mom, you can't sell me like this.
Anything over 500 you can keep.
This is blackmail.
No, this is blackmail.
Lexa, you're going to dance right now, or I'll tell Iva what you do every night in the bathroom with her photo.
Oh, and you're supposed to wear white gloves.
Here, doctor Slívat left these behind.
Mr. Ozzák, say something.
Hey, Simona.
Don't you feel like another beer?
I do.
Well then.
But what about the rebellion against the system?
If you climb into the dumpster around the corner, you'll be safe till morning.
Tomáš, as a singer, you must have moved somehow while singing.
I got through my whole career with the laundress.
Excuse me?
Rinsing.
Hanging.
Winding the cord.
That can't possibly be everything.
Well, there's also the ironing board.
But I forgot that one.
Surely you must know at least one standard dance.
Well, I don't know if it's standard, but I once rehearsed something with the group Berušky.
Well, excellent.
The parents' dance can be managed with one dance.
Show me.
No, no, it's a solo dance.
Go ahead.
No, no, no, padadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad
More like some mushrooms.
But really weird ones.
It's like a train station in here.
What do you want?
Mom, I'm scared to go there.
Go on, it's just around the corner.
No boy is going to come for me for sure.
Dance class will change a lot of things in your life.
All the boys ignored me at dance class too.
Well I didn't.
But everything changes at dance class.
Really?
That's great then.
Thanks, mom.
It's nice having a daughter who falls for every piece of nonsense, isn't it?
Apart from that crash at the beginning, it went okay.
You mean when all the boys rushed to Kropáčková and their legs slipped?
Voráček had these chains, so he got to Kropáčková first.
Yeah, but then Beneš took them, sprayed them in his face, and since then no one could peel him off Kropáčková.
Even so, her dress was absolutely hideous.
What's the name of that dress anyway, first instinct?
Pavlov's reflex.
When you're older, you'll understand that every woman should keep at least some secrets.
See, and you were worried nobody would dance with you, and look how popular you were.
Dad, what was taking turns on me was the class rejects.
You and Lexa actually looked pretty good together.
I just don't know why you then picked the big girl.
And you, Saša, why didn't you dance?
Nobody came for me, Mr. Pacovský.
And what about that boy who was almost hugging you?
Where did you two go?
That was Voráček.
Those chains first got into his eyes, so he sat on me, then grabbed my hair with both hands and we had to go to the bathroom.
Ah.
Iva, I'm not going back there.
At least you danced with Beneš, but I spent half the lesson with my head in the sink.
Beneš is an idiot.
The whole time he kept asking me if Kropáčková is seeing anyone.
Chin up.
You wanted to talk to me, Iva?
Yeah, but in private.
Dad.
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
So.
About tonight, I wanted to tell you it was pretty disgusting.
I know, the gloves, right?
My hands got all sweaty and they won't come off.
I wanted to cut them with a razor blade, but mom must have stopped shaving her legs.
Don't change the subject.
You know very well what I'm talking about.
The other disgusting thing.
You noticed that?
I'd only not notice if I were in a coma.
Thanks.
I'm not complimenting you.
I'm asking you to stop it.
Stop what?
Just don't do it.
It happens on its own.
Then make it not happen on my leg.
Dad!
I'm, I'm not listening.
Just checking if the door closes.
It's because we were rubbing against each other during the dance.
Everyone was rubbing against each other.
Well that's exactly the problem.
When there's rubbing, it just gets bigger.
Wait, you had it with someone else too?
With all of them.
Except Krutová.
So it's actually a compliment for you.
A compliment is when someone compliments my hairdo, not when something pokes me in the stomach.
So I'll dance with Krutová then.
Excuse me, I'm going to get water, I'm thirsty.
You have a really nice dress, Iva.
Thanks, Lexa.
Don't let us disturb you.
And you, Lexa, why are you just standing around?
Yeah, that's exactly what I was just telling him.
But he's just leaving.
So is that everything you needed to know?
Yeah, I don't need to see any more.
Well remember it well.
Well young man, come again sometime.
No, dammit!
What is this slime?
No, it's not slime, it's the gloves.
Yikes.
Sorry, Mr. Pacovský, mom must have stopped shaving her legs.
Lexa?
I thought you had extras.
Then buy me a different dress!
Let me tell you, Marcelka, these dance classes for adults are a wonderful thing.
I'll leave this dress here.
Zoran doesn't need to know what we've been up to.
And those ladies, how tastefully and decently they were dressed.
Iva should see that.
That's probably because we ended up with the seniors during placement because of you.
Ah, so that's why there was an ambulance outside.
And how useful it was when you fell during the jive with that old lady and ripped off her skirt.
Well, these Latin dances aren't my strong suit.
But her bra from East Germany really livened things up, didn't it?
I'm actually quite happy with myself.
I'm just a little worried about the tango.
Just about the tango?
Tomáš, the extended evening is approaching.
And the only thing you've somewhat managed so far is the turn.
And that won't be enough for the parents' dance.
We need to intensify the practice.
I'll be back in 20 minutes and I'll pretend I didn't see anything.
That's weak.
Don't you have it in that orange bottle?
You said that was a girly drink.
I need to clear my head.
Thanks.
So should I start making cocktails from it?
Lately you've been at the bar more than at work.
Bro is probably hooking up with mambo.
They're off somewhere together at night and during the day they throw me out of the store.
Today I caught them doing some weird rituals.
Mom, I've got a big problem at dance class.
Lexa, dance class will change a lot of things in your life.
Everyone ignored me at dance class too.
Finish telling him, please, I need to go to the bathroom.
You can go by yourself.
The junkyard is always open.
But you'd have to be a real tough guy for that.
Exactly.
Iva says I'm too hard.
So what's the problem?
Down there.
Hard.
If you know what I mean.
Oh, I see.
Welcome to manhood, Lexa.
A world of unprecedented possibilities is opening up for you.
I know a guy who opens beers with his.
Yeah, but I'd rather get rid of it.
Iva is mad at me, she's threatening to kick my teeth out.
She does kickboxing.
You don't think you're the first guy in the world with this problem?
And why do you think the president has a podium in front of him during speeches?
That never occurred to me.
Yeah but a podium won't help me, I need to get rid of it.
Have you tried sex?
Got anything more realistic?
Then the only option is the Eskimo.
What's the Eskimo?
Well, my boy.
You're going to have to grit your teeth.
Simona!
Got any ice?
Downstairs under the bar!
It's happening to you again.
Mom was full of it.
Still nobody's coming for me.
Not even Voráček, now that he can see again.
This sucks.
Dance class is almost over, Beneš is still acting like an idiot.
At least I don't need the ice anymore.
Iva!
Package!
Next!
What?
What what?
About that?
Oh that!
Nothing, I think?
Great!
Well, I'm gonna go play somewhere.
This sucks.
Why did you pick me?
Why not Kropáčková for example?
He'd like to, but I don't want to.
Kropáčková is such a tramp.
She dresses like a slut and everyone eats it up.
But that's over now.
What are you going to do?
Well some things are important and some less so.
This, for example, was originally the gas bill payment.
Marcelka, I want to thank you so much.
I feel like I'm really going to tear it up at the extended evening.
I'm in perfect shape.
Save my spot and I'll pop out for a moment.
He's completely out of it.
He confuses the cha-cha with the polka.
And during the waltz he hangs laundry.
Are you surprised?
Do you know what Harapes calls him?
I just dread him inviting me to the extended evening.
This is pretty good.
What is it?
Sunshine cocktail.
A female dancer could just beat the man to a pulp afterwards.
Marcelka, I wanted to ask.
Can Zoran dance too?
Oh, no, not at all.
Zoran only knows the Croatian victory dance.
But they banned him from shooting an automatic rifle into the ceiling at the bar, so we don't go out anymore.
I'd like to officially invite you to Iva's extended evening.
We're really going to tear it up.
One more, Simona.
Iva, hurry up, we'll be late.
Dad's going to kill you.
Better dead than ugly, right?
Sorry, Saša.
Kropáčková is going to be furious.
There's no cooling this down.
Hi, Lexa.
Hi, Saša.
Hi, dad.
You've dolled yourself up.
You can't go in that.
Dad, calm down.
It's a perfectly normal dress.
A normal dress?
Just so you know, I'm not going to any extended evening with you.
I wanted to have a normal dance with my daughter, a lady, not show up with someone where you can practically see everything.
You look like a regular hooker.
So what's the hold-up?
Anything else?
No, we're good.
Alright, let's go.
Nice dress.
Thanks.
What are you doing here?
You should've been dancing for half an hour, right?
Mom, I'm not going back there, nobody asks me to dance.
You've always been a difficult child, haven't you?
Here, drink this.
Will this make boys dance with me?
No, but you won't care anymore.
Now what are you doing here?
Mom, Krutová tried to drag me to the basement during the polka.
She almost dislocated my shoulder.
And you didn't go for it?
No, I escaped during the mazurka.
Then you're an idiot.
We get a five-grand bonus for the basement.
I just realized you're basically my pimp.
But a loving and caring pimp, you could've done much worse.
I should've run away to the junkyard.
Scram.
I don't know how it happened, must've been the turn.
If you're going to keep falling, at least stop trying to grab your partner's clothes.
I'm sorry, Marcelka, it was a reflex, anyone would've done it.
Harapes's move.
And call me a taxi.
If someone photographed us and sends that photo to Zoran, you're dead.
And I'm divorced.
Thanks.
Clorex.
I save that for special occasions.
One more.
Am I paying for this?
That's what you wanted.
Marcelka, could you please give me back my jacket?
The parents' dance is coming up.
So I'm supposed to sit here naked?
Well, Simona will lend you something.
You know what.
All I have is tablecloths.
Zero!
You know what, it's working, Voráček took me to the park.
Girl, you're a shark.
Silent and deadly.
But I think it's wearing off.
Sometimes he stops seeing me.
Saša, don't overdo it too much.
Oh no, mom, we're just holding hands.
I mean with the booze.
You drank the entire gas payment.
Sorry, I just can't handle this Jack.
Just shut up now, please.
Ivuška, fancy something blue?
I feel like murdering someone.
My darling, I called the store about cleaning up during the extended evening.
I'm not wearing anything at all.
I'm perfectly fine with this tablecloth.
Where's that taxi?
A miracle.
Drop dead, Lexa.
This sucks.
You're the worst dancer in the world.
Yeah dad, you ruined everything.
The dress would've worked on them.
He didn't even notice Kropáčková.
I could feel him being interested in me.
And you don't mind that at all?
Lexa, think about Krutová, okay?
I'm not pouring you another shot.
I don't care.
See, it works?
Voráček spent half an hour trying to rip my dress off, but he couldn't even undo a sleeve.
Then he fell asleep from exhaustion.
Yeah, they survived thirty years underground, they can survive anything.
Sorry, Saša.
I don't care.
See, I told you.
With a proper dress, you wouldn't have had a problem with me during the jive.
What's wrong with wanting people to notice me?
Well then you can be happy.
They won't forget our jive anytime soon.
And our tango.
Wow, I didn't know dance class was this much fun.
Mommy, I brought you that bag that's been lying around in the storage room.
Thank you.
You go get dressed and hurry back so you can at least make the last dance.
I'm not going anywhere.
No, look, if you won't go to the music, the music will come to you.
Just not the tango.
Good afternoon.
Is zero here?
In the back.